Teachers know what they intend to do in their classes and we can see through their eyes as the tell us their stories. Let's take a moment to walk in their shoes (so to speak), to sit in their classroom seats.
At any given moment, there are 35 additional sets of eyes in any classroom. What do they see? What do they feel is meaningful? What are their stories? This is where me must look to understand the depth of great learning experiences.
I have very fond memories of the Pasadena Alternative School (PAS). This is actually a profound statement forme because school prior to PAS was fraught with bullying from other students going back to 2nd grade.For 7th and 8th grade, I attended, Wilson Jr. High School in the Pasadena School District. At that time, I lived on the west side of Pasadena and Wilson Jr. High was on the East side of Pasadena, so I was bussed as many students at that time were. As bad as the bullying was at school, the bullying at the bus stop was even worse both in the morning and in the afternoon. This bullying consisted of not only name calling but having rocks and bottles thrown at me, the occasional threat of beating me up. I learned early on not to try to get in line to get on the bus. It was better to be last, otherwise, I would have my hair pulled and/or hit or kicked from behind. Because I was always last on the bus, myself and my guitar would often get kicked as I attempted to find a seat. Almost daily I was the target of spit balls and on one particular day, I remember there was only one spot left for me to sit, next to a boy who put his feet across the seat to keep me from sitting. As I stood there, the bus driver finally told the kid to move his feet, which he barely did, leaving me on the very seats edge. When the bus driver asked me if I was seated alright, a girl from the back spoke up and said, “No, her fat ass is hanging off the side” There was an eruption of laughter and all I could do was look at the driver, who was looking at me in his mirror and nod yes. The bus driver was witness to much of this but never, ever put a stop to it. Consequently, I became more and more reluctant to attend school. My grades suffered as my attendance dropped. I would feign illness to keep from having to go to school and if that didn’t work, I would drag my feet onthe way to the bus stop, so I would miss the bus.All of this started to take a toll on my grandmother who was raising me. She would of course receive phone calls from the school and then eventually the district regarding my attendance. At her wits end, my grandmother, who worked for a pediatrician in Pasadena, reached out to a school counselor at PAS that brought her children to the pediatrician my grandmother worked for. I am so sad that I do not remember this woman’s name, because she truly was a life saver. Even though there was a waiting list to get into PAS, this school counselor went with my grandmother to petition Ramon Cortines, the Pasadena School District Superintendent at the time to allow me to transfer to the Pasadena Alternative School. In reviewing my record, Cortines was reluctant to allow the transfer but eventually and surprisingly, he gave in but with a caveat. He was giving me 3 months to improve my attendance or I would be put back in the regular school system. So, for the last 1⁄2 of my 8th grade, during the 1975-1976 school year, I became a student at the Pasadena Alternative School.The difference in schools was so immediate as to almost be a culture shock. The first day, I recall feeling nervous and wary, certain that at some point I would become the object of someone’s fun for the day, I was both surprised and relieved that I had made it through that first day unscathed. When the days turned into weeks and I had yet to be harassed for my looks or just the fact I existed, there was a definitive relief I felt and the realization that this school truly was different. I don’t know if it was because it was such a small school or the respect it felt like existed between students and teachers and also between students and students or the clear autonomy each student had over their own fate at the school, but it felt like the “sport” of harassment and bullying that I experienced prior just did not exist here. That’s not to say that students did not have differences and sometimes there might be clashes. Likewise, I am not saying that I never experienced name calling either. It was just so infrequent and to such a lesser degree in malicious intent that, although it would still hurt, I never felt unsafe or that there was the possibility of ongoing hostilities that would escalate.
The first time I experienced a school meeting, I did not know what to even think. The meeting was held in the school library and upon entering, I was met with a scene I never forgot. It was wall to wall students, standing, sitting on the floor, sitting at tables, sitting on tables, sitting on freestanding cabinets or even the desk countertop. Under a regular school setting this would seem like chaos. There was no rhyme or reason to where people were standing or seated and students were just casually talkingamongst themselves and there was an air of anticipation for what was to come but when the meeting started, everyone respectfully quieted down and even though there might be a student who would call something out, it was not done in a disruptive or disrespectful way and was generally relevant to the discussion at hand. Coming from the more regimented assemblies in a regular school setting and usually in the auditorium, this had more of a casual family get together feel to it. I would come to find that this casual and relaxed feel was more the norm than not for the school. My personal feeling is that this atmosphere created breathing room for those who could handle it and it allowed them to be their most expressive and creative selves while learning in an environment that promoted, not only respect of others but also respect of self. An environment where hands on learning was preferable to your nose in a book learning, unless it was a class like English or Math.
The first friends I made were with Roxanne Wroblos and Jesus Quintero, who were already good friends with each other. Somehow, we became fast friends, fairly quickly. There were a few other people that I wished over the years I could have made friends with but at best, they were friendly acquaintances and of course there were others that just had no interest in being friends. I am not a person who will push myself on to others, so these people were given a wide berth. Although in 10th grade my friendship with Roxanne had run its course and we went our separate ways, I remained friends with Jesus and had also made friends with Kathy Engen by this time and after a painful break in relationships for Julie Gladson, she and I also became fast friends.
I think some of the most fun I had was during the Intensive Modules. A 2 week period where we would concentrate on one class that we had chosen. I remember always wanting to go on the trips that Toby would take but unfortunately, that was never in the cards. The preparation and the money needed to buy equipment was more than my grandmother could afford and so my alternative was the Animal Husbandry class put on by Konrad at his home. Konrad had 2 goats and so he would teach us about goats and their general care. We built a milking stanchion for one of the goats, Rocky and took turns milking her. We also took field trips and one was to visit the Kellogg Arabian Horse Center at Cal Poly Pomona where we had a guided tour. I remember the tour guide at the end complementing us all on how attentive we were and how much she appreciated it.
I do have some very specific moments I remember from my science classes with Toby however, I have some general remembrances as well. Toby was always kind and I never experienced him ever being dismissive with a student. I know personally that I tended to ask way too many questions and at times, I bedeviled him on nature walks or hiking trips with ... a litany of questions. (school to bottom for annotations.) And looking back, for as exasperating as I know I was, he never showed it beyond at worst a gentle chiding. I think that one of the gifts Toby had was the ability to really interact with a student on their level, never talking down and always thoughtful in response.
Toby’s classes always seemed to garner lots of discussion as I recall. In one such class, I remember him asking the question about cloning for medical purposes and how we felt regarding the possible ethics surrounding the possibility of a person being cloned for body parts. I remembered being surprised that there were some students that did not have a problem with it and although I do not remember specific statements or exactly who those students were, the memory of the discussion and the resulting impression is something that has lasted all these years and has been called up from time to time since then.
Toby also introduced Guided Fantasies for relaxation. What I recall is one particular guided fantasy where we were to walk down a path and then there were open-ended questions about what kind of path you were on and at various points there were objects along the path, like a cup or a key. I don’t recall all the
objects but again, open-ended questions about what the object looked like or was made of and did you take it with you or leave it and at the end of the path there was a wall and the questions became how big was the wall? What was the wall made of? Could you see over the wall and if so, what did you see on the other side? At the end, Toby explained that each item along the path as well as the path itself had a meaning subconsciously and although I cannot recall all the meanings along the way, it was the wall and what lay beyond that has stayed with me all these many years later. The wall, if I am recalling properly was how you view death and what you see on the other side, if you are able to, is what you believe death would be like. For me, the wall had been like an earthen mound, too tall to see over standing at the base but easy enough to climb to the top. On the other side was a grassy field and horses of all colors galloping away. I have used this memory over the years many times when I have become anxious regarding the subject of death.
Some of the best times in Toby’s classes were going on nature walks or hiking trips, whether it was Millard Canyon or Sturtevant Falls. I also recall a blind walk, where we paired up on a walk through the neighborhood around the school. One person would be blindfolded on the way out with their partner guiding them and then on the way back, roles were reversed. It was definitely an experience taking in your surroundings without sight. I remember that we did a comparative anatomy class. I remember Jesus and I paired up for it and our big project was going to be dissecting a snake and comparing the skeletal system to other animals. Jesus and I contacted Eaton Canyon Nature Center and they were willing to give us a rattle snake for our project but initially it would be without the head because of the possibility of venom still in the fangs. The day that Jesus and I went to pick up the snake, we rode our bikes there and one of the rangers helped us. The snake was in a freezer, and we asked about the head again. I don’t recall if Toby had said something,but we did know that Toby would have liked the rattlesnake head for his collection. I guess as a sign of the times, the ranger had us swear that we would not under any circumstance touch the fangs, explaining exactly how dangerous it could be. We swore we would not ever touch the fangs and that the head would be put in a jar for display only and so we left that day with the body and head of a rattlesnake and true to our word, we gifted Toby with the rattlesnake head for his collection.
I also remember I loved Toby’s writing. I was fascinated by the pen he used, which probably seemed really an odd thing to be fixated on but although I had seen many Schaffer pens for learning calligraphy, Toby had a different fountain pen that had a much sleeker look to it. It was a Platignum fountain pen with a broad nib. My fascination with both the pen and his writing with it never left me and my want to learn calligraphy stayed with me. Since then, I have had a number of Calligraphy classes and went on to professionally letter certificates for the athletic department of the Claremont Colleges for a time as well as the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers. All because I was fascinated by Toby’s pen.
I remember too that Toby was very much into Whales and Dolphins. I even bought him a book on Whales and Dolphins before he left PAS. I think most everyone who knew Toby recalls with great affection his gray van that was ultimately dubbed the Gray Whale. That van had many miles put on it taking students on many adventures that would last a lifetime in memories. In addition to all that I have recounted, I also have Toby to thank for introducing me to Illusions by Richard Bach and the book, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee. Both books are still with me today and I always remember Toby when I pick them up. Teachers are amazing people and the ones that do it well will always be in the hearts of their students. Thank you for the memories, Toby. As silly as some may seem, you made a difference and I will forever be grateful.
I could go on and on but instead what I will say is this, I am proud to be a graduate of the Pasadena Alternative School. What drawbacks the school may have had, what negative events may have happened during that time, were of such small significance compared to the good I found in the school. I honestly do not think I would have graduated from high school but for attending this school. When other people tell me how horrible their high school years were, I am grateful to be able to say I loved my school and my time there.
Kelly Miller Collins28 Apr 2023
June 2, 2023. I very much enjoyed (the preface in the manuscript of your book). I have not worked my way all the way through, having only just scratched the surface but I like how you are putting it together. I liked reading about the nuns and will go back to listen to the interview. I did not know any of Jule's history so this was fun. Loved her for my English class. She helped me out of a really tight spot with my credits in my senior year. I had taken Journalism classes from Gary Fine and he had assured us the Journalism classes would count toward English and I had 2 years of Journalism, so imagine my surprise when I got called in a month before graduation and was told I did not have enough units because I was missing English. I almost died on the spot but Jules helped me out and I was able to do a project for her and she gave me full credits for what I needed. Crisis averted.
Anyway, thanks again.
Kelly
Toby's annotations:
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